Oh, Look, A Tumbleweed

I've been drinking a lot lately. I'm not, like, an alcoholic or anything. I've just been stressed. But I know I shouldn't lean on it as much as I have been.

I just want to feel like I have some sense of security in something. Everything feels so temporary right now and I feel like I'm in this constant state of flux, of stagnating or regressing.

A bunch of friends from high school got married over the past few months. And it's just another sign that people are moving on with their lives, growing up. Settling down. And I'm here doing none of that. I feel so inexperienced and so behind where I should be. I honestly tried to block out my birthday last month. Like if I don't acknowledge it, maybe it doesn't exist.

I do have some ideas of where to go, but it involves going back to school. Which isn't exactly perfect, but it's something, I suppose.

Maybe I'm just supposed to stay in Charlotte. It's like no matter how hard I try, I keep getting pulled back, like I can't escape.

I opened up to a friend about a lot of my insecurities. He listened, to his credit, but I don't know if he really cared. I was buzzed and more than willing to share.

Why do I still have this ancient thing?

:: Nick Thursday, November 26, 2015 [+] ::

:: Oh, Look, A Tumbleweed ::