:: Oh, Look, A Tumbleweed ::

:: Sunday, June 24, 2007 ::

Sometimes I kind of wish I had some sort of musical skill. It's kinda sad that I've pretty much lost any piano playing skill I used to have. Over the past few months I've kind of wanted to learn to play guitar. My brother plays, so I'm sure he could show me. I'm not saying, like, "ZOMG, I want to be in a band!" but having some sort of musical skill would be cool. If I had to choose any sort of profession relating to music, I think writing for something like Rolling Stone or even Pitchfork would be pretty cool.

I've watched so many movies over the past week. I'm really excited Criterion is releasing The Threepenny Opera, because I can't stop thinking about that one. It was so entertaining. It's only, like, the second movie musical I've genuinely liked (The other being The Wizard of Oz, but how can you not like that?).

Eraserhead nearly scared me to death. I've never felt like I was going to die during a movie before, but I'm pretty sure that's the best way to sum up how I felt during Eraserhead.

It kind of irritates me when people tell me that I need to be open about being gay, that the reason I'm still single is because people don't know I'm gay when they first meet me. And, to be frank, I hate being told that. Because what's the alternative? Change my personality? I'm sorry I'm not more flamboyant, if that's the case, but that's just not who I am. It especially irks me that people think I try to supress that part of me. Also false. Conversely, if I was trying to fake this outgoing personality, it'd probably attract the type of people I wouldn't be interested in, anyways.

Sorry, momentary rant over. But I just find that argument incredibly stupid and a little bit insulting. I've always told my friends that the way I want to come off to people when I first meet people is "Hi, I'm Nick. These a couple of facets of my personality, and it just so happens that I'm gay", not, "Hi, I'm Nick, and I'm gay", you know? But being told that I need to be more "out there", that people need to know I'm gay at first glance really kind of flies in the face of that. I don't know. I shouldn't feel insulted, but I kind of do.

I swear, there had to be some mix up when God was creating me, or when the egg and sperm mixed, whatever you believe in. I swear I'm supposed to be straight. What was it I told Jesse? Oh, yeah: It was like God was making me and then Jesus was like, "Look, dad! I got straight A's on my report card!" and God was like, "That's fantastic, son! Let me see!" and then God looks away for a brief moment and then, "OH SHIT! Um, well, this one can be a little incorrect".

I don't want that to come off like I want to be straight, because I'm perfectly fine being gay, but it's just how I feel. I don't really fit in to many stereotypes and it's true that I don't come off as immediately gay (The people in my section at NCSA didn't even know until October/November when I said something about Jake Gyllenhaal and I spent everyday with them.) so sometimes it makes me wonder. Which is stupid.

This whole "three years" thing sucks a whole fucking lot, let me tell you. And there's no way I won't make it to three years, which is equally frustrating. I'm so frustrated by it, but there's nothing I can do, because I'm just not into the whole random hookup thing. I know I won't meet anyone over the summer, and I know that being in the Art Department is really going to sequester me from the rest of the school, sooooo...yep! Nothing I can do.

And, wow, that was a massive tangent that I didn't mean to go on. Thank God for blogs, I guess. Though nobody reads this one.

There's a goddamn mosquito flying around my room, and I am now going to kill it.

Man, I love Person Pitch so much.

:: Nick Sunday, June 24, 2007 [+] ::