:: Oh, Look, A Tumbleweed ::

:: Monday, May 21, 2007 ::

UGH.

So, after watching the third year shows...I mean...I really do want to direct films someday. And I'd love to get the chance to do that soon at NCSA. But it's so competitive and I know I'd learn more in the art department. I feel like, no matter what, I'm going to always wonder if I made the right decision, regardless of what course I decide to take.

Of course, then I look at something like Nest of Spiders or A Country Doctor and I am equally as impressed with the Art Direction as the directing and a little part inside of me says that I want to be able to do something like that, but with both fields.

It's frustrating. I really should never have to make decisions, because I fail at them. I know I'll enjoy both disciplines, and the two best friends I've made at NCSA so far are definitely going into Art Direction, so there's that.

UGH UGH UGH.

The other thing that makes this difficult is that I almost felt like McKinny was disappointed in me for going into the art department, and I hate when I feel like I've disappointed my teachers. He was talking about how he really enjoyed me in class and that he felt I was mature and that I worked hard and that my peer reviews were great and then he paused and was like "...and you want to go in to art department" and there was this tiny bit on an inflection at the end of that sentence, as if he was incredulous that that's what I wanted to. Yewdall and Laura also both seemed a little surprised. I don't know, that's probably me making an assumption out of nothing, but it's how I felt.

I'd be so proud to say I directed some of the things I've seen come out of NCSA, but, at the same time, I know I'd be just as proud to say I art directed some of the shows I've seen come out of NCSA. It's a difficult decision.

Of course, I may not even get into the art department as they still haven't let us know and I'm kind of anxious. Part of me wants them to not accept me just so the decision is made for me, even though I know art department would be more benificial in the long run.

And "Banshee Beat" by Animal Collective is just wonderful.

:: Nick Monday, May 21, 2007 [+] ::