:: Oh, Look, A Tumbleweed ::

:: Monday, May 02, 2005 ::

I love the Lost In Translation soundtrack. I love that movie. I went and bought Mulholland Drive on friday (It was on sale for $9.99 so I took it as a sign that I was meant to buy it) and I've become very badly addicted to this movie since then. I keep watching certain scenes trying to figure it all out, which, I know is pointless, because that movie doesn't want to be figured out. It makes me want to have a Mulholland Drive party and make everybody watch it and then turn around as the credits role and see everybody with the same "What the fuck was THAT?!" expression on their face. Jesse, you'd love this movie. I also love my dad's Rolling Stones CD which I sorta kinda maybe stole from him. He was making fun of me about the fact that I take his CD's all the time, but it is sorta of nice that I like a lot of the same music my dad does. That way I don't have to pay for the CDs, I can just take them from his cabinet whenever I want to listen to them.

My allergies became nearly unbearable this weekend. My nose has been alternating between stuffy to the point of not functioning and runny to the point of me having to run and find a tissue immediately. This was the absolute worst timing, as well, because I'd like to not have to be worrying about mucus problems while I'm in an AP test this week.

I can't believe those are here already. Last year it seemed like they'd never get here but this year...they're here. I've got one on wednesday, one on thursday, one next monday and one on tuesday. I really wish I could have taken French AP or European History AP. It sucks that there was a French AP class this year, but not last year, when I would have taken it.

Kennedy and I somehow were made Stage Managers of the Musical Revue. We thought we were just doing tech. I distinctly remember Mitchell saying, "Sure, I'll need someone to run sound and lights, so you and Kennedy can do that." And then he came up to us on friday and was like, "So, I guess you two are stage managers." Not that I'm complaining, it was just kind of surprising.

Considering I have the English exam this thursday, my writing this entry is just awful. But, psht, it's a blog, why do I care?

Today was so not worth even going to school. I wish I had gone to the park. Someone go play tennis with me. The one sport I'm good at (At least, I think). Heidi, we had been planning this since, what, LAST YEAR?! Let's go do it. After the English exam, maybe? And we need to go see a movie again. The last time it was just the two of us was before school started, and I hate that. My parents and I used to play a lot, but around tenth grade, they never wanted to anymore. LET'S GO! COME ON!

And I thought of something else I hate. I was at Carbiou with Andrew, Sara, Robin and Heidi and we were studying Biology and I just sat there and said nothing and did nothing and I hate that. I get so awkward when I'm in a big group of people. Mr. Booker asked me about it once and I really just...ugh. When I'm around people I don't feel comfortable around, or when I'm around people that I'm so goddamn nervous around, I clam up. And, I mean, let's not beat around the bush, I'm not exactly anything but awkward around, in this example, Andrew, given our history. I hate it because I felt like I should be contributing more and I felt like the four of them went off going "Wow, stupid Nick, he didn't do anything" but I get so paranoid. It's stupid, I know, but it's just how I operate. I wish I felt more comfortable around him, but it's something I'll deal with for the next month.

One thing I never really thought I would have about high school were regrets. And big ones, I mean. Not ones that are just kind of "I should have done that differently" but things that would drastically alter the person I am today. And, somehow, I'm walking out of high school with so many. I hate to think I'm going to look back on high school and think of how it was so less than I expected, but, all in all, it really has been. Don't get me wrong, I've had a lot of fun the past month or so. I feel like I've finally moved on and I've finally just let go and it's been fun. But a few months doesn't make up for just how awful it was a lot of the time. And I hate that that's going to be my predominant image of high school. I mean, Caitlin's indian party, Ragtime, everything else that I'm forgetting, it's really been awesome these past two months. I wish all of high school could have been like that. And I know some of you are going to roll your eyes and tell me to shut up and tell me it's all about perception, but I really could care less.

I'm looking forward to college so incredibly much. I'll be stunned if I don't sprint across the stage. I mean, it's in Charleston, so, honestly, who WOULDN'T be excited about it? But beyond that, it'll be new people. I'll be able to completely start over. I don't think anyone knows how badly I need that. It'd be nice if they'd, you know, send me something. They have my deposit, I know that, but housing? Financial aid? Anything? Oh my God, I was just looking at the courses CofC offers for English: They had a full course on Milton (Simon just went "WHAT?!") and Modernist Poetry. Yes, I was meant to go here.

God, how I don't want to go to prom. Caitlin, are you SURE you want to go?

How angsty. Maybe I'll reveal all my secrets sometime in the summer. Oh, I might have a summer job helping out at the Metro school. That'd be so seriously awesome, because I love those kids and I'd be getting paid for something I love to do. I can't think of anything better.

:: Nick Monday, May 02, 2005 [+] ::