:: Oh, Look, A Tumbleweed ::

I'm going back to Chaucer, Chaucer, Chaucer, I'm going back to Chaucer. Uh, I don't think so. :: Sunday, September 19, 2004 ::

This is the best thing I've ever written for Whiteside. Seriously

Sorry for the length, I kind of got carried away. Oh well. It was fun:

The Nerd's Tale-

In a land not so far from where we stand today,
There lived a guy who knew not the right way to play.
He was universally loathed by all who knew him,
And many indeed tried to ignore him and his friend, Kim.
Kim was not liked, as well, for she was friends with the guy,
Whose name was so repulsive that he spoke not his name under a blue sky,
But instead went by a more secretive name that no one understood,
Quoth he, "I shall moniker myself Robin Hood!"
Back to the story, of which I have much to tell,
Of Robin and Kim's own personal hell.
Kim had been lucky enough to gain a boyfriend,
But she was young and to her promiscuity there was no end.
Poor Robin had no friends, but he was a teenager, and therefore,
He was horny, horny like he had never been before,
But when everyone despises you and runs away from your face,
You have a better chance of being sprayed with mace,
Than having the girl of your dreams in your arm,
A fate that Robin wanted, even if it did him harm.
One day he approached Kim in the school cafeteria
And grabbed her ass - It sent her into hysteria.
"Remove your hand from that region of my body!
It has no business being there, it's stupid and shoddy!"
She paused for a moment, and then continued to speak,
Only, this time, it was much more calm and meek.
"But, actually," she stated, "This feels kind of nice,
Kind of like I'm being intoxicated by the smell of spice."
He started, "I know you're dating that buffoon,
But my lust for you is soaring over the moon.
I need to make out with a girl, and only you like me,
So let's go off to the bathroom and be a little naughty!"
She considered his offer and replied in a voice of stern,
"I'm sorry, dear Robin, but I just can't abandon my lovely Bern."
He rubbed her ass more lightly, leaned closer to her ear,
"Oh my," she said, "keep that up and I might say the words you want to hear."
"So let us make haste to the bathroom on this floor,
Let us go!" He said, begging and begging even more.
"Alright," said Kim, "Let's go to the bathroom,
But make sure that this does not lead to our academic doom."
"I would never risk anything that would hurt you, my sweet,
For I am a member of the club called We Don't Hurt People - The Elite."
Sadly, for our duo in love, Bern happened to see Robin and became enraged,
He stormed over to him and decided that he would then have to engage.
Bern hated Robin, for he was ugly and talking with him led to instant revulsion,
But when he saw Robin's hand on Kim's ass, he had a burst of propulsion.
He grabbed a cafeteria tray and hit Robin's ass.
He screamed, "Get your hand away from there and out of this class!
Don't touch my girlfriend like that ever again, and if you do,
I'll hunt you down and make you feel like a piece of poo!"
Ever since that fateful day, when Robin was beaten and scraped,
He has not since found a woman, but he has not resorted to rape.
"I am only in middle school!" He realized one day,
"I have plenty of time to fool around and play!"
Thus ends the plight of our fateful hero,
He still remains what he was when the day started - A zero.

:: Nick Sunday, September 19, 2004 [+] ::