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    I Hear You Knocking Down My Door...

    I Think I'm Cured...

    Deep in the cell of my heart I really want to go :: Monday, March 15, 2004 ::

    I hated today.

    In US History, Joyce talked about our class being that active in terms of discussion and he specifically mentioned me (And I'm not upset about that because I know I'm the quietest person in there...frankly, I thought it was funny he mentioned me)

    Side Comment: This is so not the right song to be listening to right now because I swear I'm going to start crying at some point because this song is that kind of song

    Getting back to the subject...Homeroom and English weren't bad, and Physics wasn't bad...I just...

    Heidi, I don't know how to explain myself well enough. Yes, I know I don't say a lot in US History, but I also don't think I need to be chastised for not doing so. That is my desicion if I choose not to answer a question. I know it might seem odd, but I seriously am one shy and timid person and when I feel like a teacher thinks I'm not that smart (Like Joyce) it makes me even more reluctant to answer questions for fear that I'll be wrong and it'll simply reinforce in that teacher's mind that I am stupid. I seriously cannot make myself outgoing. I will never be extroverted. I cannot try to make the people who I want to notice me actually notice me because...I seriously cannot do it. I cannot force myself to. I get too nervous whenever I'm in a situation like that. That conversation just made me feel so bad because I want Joyce to know that I exist but I cannot volunteer information that I might know if there is even the slightest possibility in my mind that I might be wrong.

    The other reason today was crap...it just ended on a really horrible note because I was looking foward to getting to talk to this person since this week is shaping out to be that I won't see them or be able to talk to them hardly at all and I tried to avoid another subject that was depressing me but managed to bring it back up and now I won't be able to talk to them about it and try to rectify everything and I just feel so bad about doing that because I've inundated them with my complaining about this and...I just feel like shit for bringing it up.

    Current Mood: Crap
    Current Music: Radiohead - Bullet Proof...I Wish I Was

    :: Nick Monday, March 15, 2004 [+] ::
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