:: Oh, Look, A Tumbleweed ::
Guildenstern: Our names shouted in a certain dawn...a message...a summons...There must have been a moment where we could have said no. But somehow we missed it. Rosen-? Guil-? Well, we'll know better next time. Now you see me, now you- -Tom Stoppard, R&G Are Dead
All I want is to feel this way :: Saturday, February 14, 2004 ::
Warning: Yes, this will be another one of my depressing posts. Deal. With. It. I am not happy right now.
GODFUCKINGDAMMIT! I can't even talk about why I'm so unhappy right now without saying too much. It's never been that hard for me to say goodbye to a person, mainly because I am jealous of them to the nth degree. It's like everything I want this school year, not only are they getting, but I'm getting the exact opposite of it. And then, because of a technicality...just...shit. And then, to have them say "Oh, I won't have fun" no, that was bullshit. Because they will. Regardless of how tired they may be. And I'll have to hear about it. And they will get to be with the people I so desparately want to hang out with. And I can't, because being inconspicuous has to take precedence.
I felt blown off. I lied when I said I wouldn't be offended, because I was. It was almost midnight, but you'll just leave for other people. And then say you won't have fun. Had you not been there, I would have rolled my eyes so hard they went back into my head.
Please, please, please know that I am in no way mad at you...it just...a lot of stuff didn't make sense and it seemed like because of one tiny factor, I couldn't go. And then people keep calling saying they'll be there when some of them have absolutely no right to be there.
I haven't cried that hard in a while. But please. I'll leave at 10:30...get there around 1:15 or so...then sleep...then leave. Wow. What a fucking waste of gas, first of all, and what a pathetic reason.
So, yes. I was offended you left that late, I did feel blown off, but, the worst part is (And the only part I am really upset over) that if people knew, I would have gone. And that sucks ass.
Again, I am NOT mad at you....I just hate the circumstances. And that, once again, you get to hang out with the people I really want to hang out with.
Ergh...I would have to be talking to you to explain myself fully, because anything else would give too much away.
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. At least, I was awesome for me until 10:30...then I felt like sobbing
Current Mood: Not that good
Current Music: Rufus Wainwright - Vicious World
:: Nick Saturday, February 14, 2004 [+] ::
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