:: Oh, Look, A Tumbleweed ::

Guildenstern: Our names shouted in a certain dawn...a message...a summons...There must have been a moment where we could have said no. But somehow we missed it. Rosen-? Guil-? Well, we'll know better next time. Now you see me, now you- -Tom Stoppard, R&G Are Dead
:: "How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot! The world forgetting by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each pray'r requested, each wish resign'd" -Alexander Pope :: bloghome | contact ::
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    I Hear You Knocking Down My Door...

    I Think I'm Cured...

    :: Saturday, November 15, 2003 ::

    Perhaps there is a God who decided to ignore the fact I renounced him in my last entry because...

    I. Have. A. Car.

    A Toyota Corrola...31,000 miles....1999 model....MINE.

    But I still wish I was at NCTC with everybody right now instead of having that car. That's very sad considering how insane I went this past week over wanting a car.

    Actually, perhaps that's a good thing that I would rather be spending time with friends instead of acquiring materialistic things. Hmm...

    As the expression says ("Sleep On It")...I slept on it last night. And I stared at my ceiling, listening to music and just pondered for a while. And fell asleep at some point.

    And I feel so much better right now. Unbelievably better. Still not ecstacy happy, but I'm fairly content right now. It just made me sad to know that regardless of what I thought, God himself either abandoned me or I was too blind to see him trying to help me.

    But the ultimate conclusion is that I will never know if there is a God...so I don't care anymore. If there is a God, so be it. If there isn't, so be it. I just don't care. It's not worth my sanity to beat myself up over this.

    Current Mood: Content
    Current Music: Jefferson Airplane - Somebody To Love

    :: Nick Saturday, November 15, 2003 [+] ::
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