:: Oh, Look, A Tumbleweed ::

:: Wednesday, October 22, 2003 ::

Okay. Religion.

I think the thing that's pushed this topic into the forefront of my mind is how active my mom is becoming in the church we used to go to. She's attending every sunday and really becoming fully invested in it, in the sense that she's devoting time.

In any case, she has volunteered me to help out with this theatre thing going on at the church. So now I have to direct a six person scene about something I don't even believe in (It's the story of Daniel in the Lion's Den...in case you forget, I am VERY skeptical when it comes to the Bible) and she's also roped me into doing something for a living nativity around December.

She's also started banning the use of the phrases like "Oh my god" or "Oh god" saying that they use god's name in vain. That's fine, really, but using a holy name in vain is more along the lines of "Goddamn" not "Oh god." She's gone so far as to ban the use of "Oh my gosh" because it sounds like "oh my god" and "Jeez" because it's a direct quote of "Jesus."

This is what's pissing me off. Furthermore, it's just gotten to a point where I can't fathom the idea of one universal being controlling EVERYONE. I can't, and I find that sad, because if you don't believe in God, or whatever version of God...if you don't believe in something, then what purpose do you serve on Earth? That's what I've been asking myself, do I really believe in an all-knowing, universal power. The answer? No, not really. Too many contradictions go on about God and his powers. He's such a forgiving god, but as one of my friends mentioned about this, then why is hell eternal? If God is so forgiving, hell would be temporary punishment.

Another reason is how the nicest human beings who have done nothing deserving of tragedy get just that. Joshua Hagler is the best example I can think of. He was a classmate of mine in eighth grade who was funny, kind, nice, polite...you get the idea. And he got cancer, and died later that year. Why? Why would that happen?

And thus, I think I'm slowly becoming atheist, which I don't want to happen, because as I said before, I think there needs to be something you truly believe in as a higher power. But as the definition of atheism would constitute, essentially, not believing in a God, then that's what I'm slowly becoming, which is scaring me.

I just don't understand christianity and how some of the most vile and evil people can claim that God will forgive them. There are some things I think that need to be unforgiven. Take Jenny Mann. If all Jenny has to do is pray for forgiveness and all her faults are gone and BAM, she's in heaven, then God's system is flawed.

I don't know. It's an interesting topic, and it fascinates me about christianity and the implications and such...but I all ready know I don't believe in the Bible, and now I'm afraid I'm slowly not believing in God.

:: Nick Wednesday, October 22, 2003 [+] ::