:: Oh, Look, A Tumbleweed ::

:: Monday, October 27, 2003 ::

Okay, a message to the rest of you (You know who you are):

Yes, I understand that I did bring people into this situation. And I hate that I did that because I'm trying to remove you from the situation. At first, it was funny. Comical even. Now it isn't. Both of us are beyond frustrated at ourselves and each other. Charlotte, I am not saying your advice wasn't good for her, that's fine. I'm talking about the people who absorbed themselves in this situation and how it's affected us.

Jennifer, you say you see pieces of yourself in her. That's fine, but there has to be a point when you realize it isn't going to happen and to let it go. I would have been perfectly content these past few weeks if any traces of this situation vanished and were never heard from again. In supporting her, you are supporting here to something that she wants, but the other person in question does not want. Call me stubborn, be angry at me, I don't care. I'm tired of the whole thing. As I never knew you or Mike very well before this, it really isn't going to affect me if you two hate me for the rest of your lives. I don't care. I care about myself and Jesse and how the two of us are ready to scream (Well...I am). We both have such different factors playing into this debate that you do not know and will not know that have stopped me from dating her.

Fuck it, why don't I just say it: I am going to hurt somebody. I hurt Jesse. Why? Because I've got two other people who are closer friends than she who ALSO have a crush on me. I am not a person who has just had people lying down at their feet going "Oh, I have a crush on you!" But in the span on ONE WEEK, three different people have admitted it. I do not want to date any of them for fear of hurting the other two. It is better that Jesse and I stay friends because if dating enters the picture and then we break up because we hate each other, the friendship is over and we hate each other for the rest of our lives. I do not want that to happen, and I'm not going to let it happen. I will not date her. She knows this. I wanted to stick my head in a blender after we discussed this. I understand your input and feelings, but I do not understand why something that has been decided between the two of us (Jesse and I) cannot be left alone.

:: Nick Monday, October 27, 2003 [+] ::